Most important Post I’ve Written

Most important Post I’ve Written

Please check out my post where I literally BEAR IT ALL to prove how important it is that we accept who we are so that our daughters don’t grow up hating their bodies just because they see us hating ours.

Please read and share with your friends

Baring it all for my babies 

Moms Have Selective Memory

Moms Have Selective Memory

When I look back on Paisley’s first year of life I remember when they placed her on my chest, I remember the magical connection caused by breast feeding, i remember how she looks at me and reaches out when she wants me to pick her up, and I remember the feeling I got the first time she waved, when she stood up, and the first time she played peek-a-boo.

What I don’t tend to remember very quickly  are all the times I wanted to pull my hair out because I couldn’t get her to latch.  The times she hits me when I say no or throws herself backwards because I take something away.  I never really think about all of the diaper blowouts and sleepless nights.  Or the stretch marks and the labor pains. Oh goodness, those labor pains.

That all makes it so easy for me to utter scream the phrase, “I want another baby.. LIKE NOW.”  Its like when you look at your baby, that beautiful baby, none of the bad stuff seems so bad.  But I have to keep those thoughts in check.

If I don’t keep those thought in check then I’ll wind up barefoot and pregnant pretty much nonstop for the next like 10 years, and my logical side knows I can’t handle that,.

My brain knows that the next time I have a baby I’ll be complaining about back pain and sciatica and the idea of having to fund another mouth to feed.  I know that there will be times when the next one tries my patience, and when all three kids are trying it all at once.

But my heart, my heart knows I’ll be over it about ten minutes after I see their face.  I’ll be over it when they kiss me after they hit me because I said no, I’ll be over it when I look at them and know… that I made that.  That WE made that.

For now I have to drown out the motherly instincts, the emotions, the hormones that make me want another one.  For now I have to trade all of those things for logic.  But someday, someday I’ll be that kind of miserable again, and I can’t wait!

Sweet P, Apple of My Eye. (with pictures)

Sweet P, Apple of My Eye. (with pictures)

One year ago sweet baby P came into this world and changed it for me forever.  At 12:20 am after 26 hours and a whole lot of panic P entered and everything felt right.  I don’t feel like I’m old enough, or responsible enough, to be someone’s mom most days.  But I guess I’m learning.  After all, I’ve got to take care of Mr. F and B too.  So basically I have 3 kids.

I’m sure everyone is tired of hearing the details of the story so today we will take a break and do an update.

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This is my P.  The left is in the hospital and the right is last month.  Isn’t she breathtaking?  So basically she was born and then POOF one day she just got big.  I’m not entirely sure when it happened, I must have blinked or something.  I’m going to try and tape my eyelids open or else the next time I blink she will be dating..  Although, I’m pretty sure Mr. F will never allow that.

P has 12 teeth…. 12! Isn’t that crazy?  She’s basically Jaws.  She can say “Mom,” “Daddy,” “Sizzy (sister),” and “bear.”  She loves to ask, “what’s that,” and there’s tons of other noises she makes when she’s trying to talk, but those are the words she actually grasps well.

She understands SO much.  When I tell her “no!” her reaction is priceless, and when she is petting the cat if you say “easy,” she instantly calms down (unless she’s in the mood for a tantrum).  She rubs her hands together at the SIGHT OF a soap pump, and she imitates almost anything you do.  She loves to blow raspberries and imitates sounds she hears you make.

Her favorite foods include bananas. eggs, chicken, and ice cream, but we actually haven’t found a single food so far that she won’t eat.  And yes, I said ice cream.  You judgmental people can keep to yourself because my child is happy and healthy and eats a balanced diet, but darn tootin’ I am going to let her enjoy life with a little bit of ice cream.  By the way, don’t try and feed her, she wants no part in it.  She can do it by herself.

Her absolute favorite thing to drink is water.  Give her an option and she will always chose water.  I won’t complain if she doesn’t want those sugary juices.  If she wanted them she could have them, but she doesn’t so I’ll just be thankful.

Shes been sleeping through the night since 2 months old.  She still consistently sleeps 10-12 hours.  And when shes awake shes just about as pleasant as pleasant can be.  I may be bias, but you can ask anyone.  Go ahead….ask!

Her favorite toy is the build-a-bear her sister made her before she was born.  She will give it kisses all day.  She can stand, and she CAN walk behind her push toy, but it still scares her some so it just depends what mood shes in.  Part of me thinks that since she crawls so fast she just doesn’t see the point in learning a new mode of transportation.

She is still only at about 19 pounds and about 28 inches, 90% for height and 25% for weight.

Long story short, I’m in love.

Here are some more pictures from her birth for you to enjoy 🙂

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Day 2 of the Most Amazing Journey

Day 2 of the Most Amazing Journey

This is the real “meat” of the story.  The day that everything unraveled, and the day that it all went to hell.  A hell that I wouldn’t trade for anything because it ended with my beautiful baby.

One year ago we arrived at the hospital between 7 and 8 am.  One year ago Mr. F parked in the parking garage and we walked into the hospital doors as two, knowing we would leave as three.  One year ago I stopped as we were walking because I couldn’t walk through my contractions.  I then looked at my amazing boyfriend and slapped him on the back because I realized he should have dropped me off at the door!  Luckily we both have a sense of humor.

Anyways, we went into the hospital and waited and waited to find out if they were even going to admit me into labor and delivery.  Thank goodness they did because I was in tears at the thought of having to go home in this kind of pain and just wait it out.

They sent me upstairs to walk.  So walk is what I did.  Mr F, my mom, and I walked as much as I could, stopping every few minutes so I could ride out a contraction.  We walked until they told us it was time to check and see if it had helped, it didn’t.  So now it was time for petocin.  Good lord did that speed up the contractions, and now i was really starting to feel the pain.  Thats when the tears started, with every contraction came a set of crocodile tears and my good attitude was starting to get ruined.

Epidural! I am in no way going to apologize for getting an epidural, they are magical.  I have a high pain threshold but not high enough to do a natural birth.  Although, the events that transpired over the next twelve hours meant that I didn’t have the pleasure of enjoying a pain free child birth even with the epidural.

For several hours I was happy.  I joked with Mr F, my mom, my sister in laws, and my mother in law.  I was snarky and sarcastic and hilarious as I always am.  🙂

Those several hours were the calm before the storm.  I remember a few of my friends showing up, and as I attempted to speak to them I began screaming in pain.  All of a sudden I had severe pain in my back, terrible nausea, and horrid hot and and cold spells.  It came out of no where, but it came on bad.

I remember that my fever kept fluctuating but at one point it was above a 104.  They were having issues finding her heart beat on and off.  I was so disoriented from the fever that I barely understood what was happening.  I remember waking up (sort of) from a nap and hearing my mom telling everyone that they should all leave the room, that Mr. F and I needed to be alone.  Thats when I started to get scared.  I looked at Mr. F and begged him not to leave my side no matter what.  Then I fell back asleep.

This time when I woke up I saw Mr. F walking back into the room.  He had left?? But he promised! Something wasn’t right.  

I looked over at him and I said “I’m sorry for making you worried.” And he replied, “I’m not worried.”  I could tell that that was a lie.  Something in his eyes said different, but I was dozing out again.

I later found out that it was at this point that he had been told that they weren’t sure what was going to happen.  I had a bad infection and that infection had transferred to the baby and she was going to the NICU.

The next time I woke up my nurses were telling me that it was time for a second epidural.  “But wait, you said if I have a second epidural I won’t be able to push,” I cried.  Their response, “We will check you one more time.”  By some miracle after 25 hours of labor I was finally at 10 centimeters and that’s when they revealed that the plan was to give me an emergency c-section.  “This baby needs to come out now,” they told me.  So I started pushing while they had someone else call my doctor.

So in came the NICU team.

As I’m sure is completely normal I started panicking.  I told Mr. F I couldn’t do it, to which he replied, “Madi you don’t have much of a choice at this point.”  He held my hand, my mom held my leg, and his mom held my other leg, while my sister in laws stood at the end of the bed and watched the miracle that is child birth.

P came at 12:20am on October 8th.  The nurses lied about my temperature and the infection on my paper work to try and keep P from going to the NICU.  I thought that they were doing me a favor but since we ended up back in the NICU the day after we left the hospital, I wish that they would have told the truth.  The infection was a result of the way and the time that they had broken my water, and then they lied about it on the paperwork.

P went to the nursery instead because they were calling her heartbeat irregular.  But she was back in my arms only hours later.

She was fine.

Like I said she ended up in the NICU later and that was terrifying, but that’s a post for another time, and the whole time once she was out we knew that she would be ok, we knew that we were lucky.

One Year Ago (That Time My Tummy Hurt)

One Year Ago (That Time My Tummy Hurt)

On this day one year ago I went to work.  It was a normal day, but towards the end of my shift something felt weird.  I couldn’t put my finger on it, I wasn’t having pain, but something was off.  So I went home, but first I stopped to get some ice cream.  When I got home at about 10:30 in the evening I sat down to eat my ice cream I began having pains in my lower abdomen,  I immediately texted my boyfriend who rushed home from the gym.  What does this mean? Should we go to the hospital?

Did I forget to mention that I was nine months pregnant?

My contractions started at about 15 minutes apart, so of course we were in no rush.  We had all the normal questions, “Is it false labor?” “is it even worth going to the hospital?”  We weren’t sure what to do so we decided to try and sleep and reevaluate in the morning.  I was trying not to get my hopes up because I had felt like she was never coming out.  Well, the contractions were too painful and I couldn’t sleep, but still being 10 minutes apart I decided to just get up and go into B’s room so that I could watch some TV and not disrupt Mr. F.

I came back into our bedroom about a half hour later and told Mr. F that I couldn’t sleep.  His response was, “Babe I love you but we are probably going to the hospital in the morning so I really need to try and get some sleep.”  I’m not going to lie I was slightly irritated by that comment but I knew it was the sleep deprivation talking so I shut the door and went back to attempting to restlessly watch Grey’s Anatomy and count the hours until morning.

I was anxious, and terrified, and excited, but  still trying not to get my hopes too far up.  I became more restless than I can really explain.  I started cleaning the house and got in the shower so that I could shave before I went to the hospital (something I had been really worried about).  I called the doctor and she told me to come on in.  So at about 6:30 in the morning I woke Kenny up and watched him frantically double check that we had everything in the diaper bag (which of course we didn’t), and then it was off to the hospital.

Giving birth to Paisley was a three day event (in total 26 hours of labor).  So I will be sharing the story a little each day, until Thursday which will be the first birthday of my most precious gift.

I am emotional already, oh brother.

The Most Fun Pinterest Fail Ever (And how to make it better)

The Most Fun Pinterest Fail Ever (And how to make it better)

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One winter we made paints for the bathroom walls! It seemed like the perfect winter craft.  The kids get to wear swim suits and play when it was too cold to go outside.

To do this we used shaving cream and food coloring... supplies that most people have on hand at all times.  It was a blast! It washes right off the tiles and you can mix the paints together to work on learning primary and secondary colors.

Now here is the fail part… while it washed right off of the walls and tub, it stained the grout and our hands!

My advice is to DEFINITELY try this with your kids, but keep it in the tub and use gloves or a brush to do the painting.  I recommend using rubber gloves because painting with brushes is way less fun.  IF you’re brave you can just use your fingers, it will eventually come off, but definitely keep it off the grout!

This was one of the most fun family crafts we’ve done by far, but as I’ve learned many times… it doesn’t always turn out like the pictures on pinterest. 

The Other Kind of Little Black Book

The Other Kind of Little Black Book

Some days I feel like we are drowning.  Mr F hates when I tell people that, but I think its good for people to know that they aren’t alone.  Two kids, a first birthday party on the horizon, vacation, bills, and Christmas not long after that… it can be overwhelming.  

I try and think, “but we are so lucky we even get to go on vacation,” and this is SO true, but it doesn’t keep me from stressing over everything else.  And that is where I find comfort in my other kind of little black book, the one that I budget in.

I have every single pay day for Mr. F and I written down through the end of the year.  Below the date and the amount of money that our pay checks should equal, I list how much money needs to be allocated to each bill, savings account, etc.  I started this system a little over a month ago and so far I have managed to stick to the budget almost 100%.  So naturally today when I started stressing about how harmful a week off of work for each of us would be to our wallets, I needed something to make me feel better.  That’s when the “little black book” came out and I finished the year, taking into account the weeks where our checks would be lower because of vacation, holidays, etc.  Now that I’ve seen that we can make the money we have saved, plus the money we will make work, while also saving for Christmas gifts and paying off the credit card, I feel SO much better.

Budgeting is actually so relaxing.

I even went as far as to allocate how much money we needed to spend on the Christmas gifts we still have to buy.

Unforeseen circumstances so each week I try to underestimate the amount of money we will bring home so that we always have a little extra on top of the money I sent aside for miscellaneous and spending.  Its always good to have a little buffer so that following the budget really is doable and practical.