His and hers // Mine and Ours

His and hers // Mine and Ours

Separate bank accounts or joint bank accounts, or should you do separate bank accounts until you’re married and then switch to joint bank accounts?  And what about everything else??

Is it his car or yours? Does it belong to both of you?? And if you answer that question with a yes, is it really in both of your names??

I work retail and every time a couple comes up to check out and one of them says something along the lines of, “I can pay if you want,” or “are you paying for this or am I?” I begin to listen more closely to see if I can find any clues as to what their relationship is.  If I find out their married it amazes me!

Why does it matter who pays??

you’re married.

Isn’t everything OURS in marriage?

Hell, everything is ours in my relationship.

I fully respect everyone’s own relationship feelings.  I also understand doing things to help build credit, or for tax purposes, etc.  But the way many people treat it is like its his money vs hers.

The other day my man called me and asked if he could buy a car from his friend.  It was a car we KNEW ran well and only one of our cars was currently working.  We needed a second working car the price was right.  We discussed it and decided that we would buy this car and fix up at least one of the two we have that don’t work.  We would then decide what to sell and what to keep.  So we withdrew the money from our joint account and he bought the car.  Easy enough, right?

We have NEVER worried about what belongs to who, but we do have cars that we each drive more than the other (his and hers).  So when HE was the one getting the new car while mine was less than desirable and I am the one always toting around the kids I told him that my only stipulation was that occasionally we switch cars for a day so that I am not ALWAYS stuck driving the honda.  He agreed.

Two days later I told him I may need to switch cars on Saturday so that I could drive both kids along with my nephew around.  A huge fight ensued, during which he told me that it was “his car,” and that I was not allowed to borrow it.

That was the absolute first time over the course of our relationship that I had felt as though I had screwed myself by having no separate money or property.

The reality was that it IS HIS CAR.  HIS NAME is on the title, and I have no legal ownership.

We worked it out, but it got me wondering… is it better to keep everything separate?

I still think the way we do things works, it shows our undying faith that we will be together forever and it shows a complete trust in one another.  

I’m wondering what others think?? Feedback is appreciated :))

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4 thoughts on “His and hers // Mine and Ours

  1. We have separate bank accounts, but I manage all the money and we both ask each other before buying anything major. Our current car is in my name because we sold his car when it got too old to be worth repairing. If we ever discuss who’s paying while at the store, it’s typically in the context of who has easier access to their wallet or whose credit card is close to getting a reward.

    That being said, we’re married and in a community property state, so there’s legal stuff to back us up. If something ever went totally sideways, no one would get screwed over.

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  2. When we got engaged, and decided to buy a house, we knew we would share everything. At that time we made the same amount of money. Somehow it all just evened out, and we felt good about sharing everything.
    We both know what’s going in and out of our account, and discuss big purchases. Now that I work less, and an home with the kids, I do realize my spending has had to be tamed, but somehow it works really well for us. We don’t fight about money, and I’m so thankful.

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  3. Great questions. We’re married and have joint accounts, but I have separate accounts for my paychecks and birthday/gifts. We usually use them for joint ventures like vacations but I really like having some things that are mine. As for vehicles, they have always been in my husband’s name because he negotiates and buys them for us. But one is mine and the other is his, but we always take mine (better mpg) on our trips.

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    1. That is essentially how we do it! We don’t have separate accounts, but he works some jobs for cash and I work some babysitting for cash also so we keep that money. Thank you for visitng and I am so sorry it took so long to write back, I’m going to get better about that!

      Liked by 1 person

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