I told you that I would share the good and the bad, I also want to continue to give you just enough of my past to understand my present, and to advance towards my future with me.
The first month or so after finding out I was pregnant was full of the ebbs and flows that I am sure are normal, even though many people are afraid to admit their feelings. I was in shock, I was stressed, I was excited, then I was terrified. By the time my birthday rolled around about two months later I was pretty comfortable about the fact that my whole life was changing,.
I was comfortable with the fact that I was going to be a mom, but not so much with the fact that seemingly half of my friends had simply disappeared. When you go from being wild and carefree to suddenly being responsible for this life inside of me, not to mention a might as well be step daughter.
I became SUPER depressed and felt more alone than I had in my entire life. I couldn’t just do whatever I wanted anymore, I needed to work more hours to save money, and I needed to stay in more often for the same reason. Not to mention the morning sickness was terrible, and not JUST in the morning like the term would lead you to believe.
So once my birthday came around and I couldn’t have the big drunken celebration at the bar with ll of my friends that I had grown accustomed to, I could hardly contain my disappointment. People will think thats shallow, or that its wrong that I was so sad about pregnancy….
But guess what! It doesnt make me a bad mom, or a shallow person. It makes me human.
Things are not always easy.